I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize