The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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