Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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