I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
