Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
