Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
