Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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