Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize