Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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