i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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