WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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