I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
