My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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