She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
