he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
