It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
