One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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