Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
