I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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