I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
