A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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