Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
