My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize