Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
