You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
