If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
