bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
