I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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