Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
