i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
