..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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