Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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