when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
