Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
