She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
