Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize