As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize