Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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