did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize