the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
