I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
