dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
