I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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