I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
