I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
