she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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