She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
