Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
