Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
