I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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