everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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