Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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