This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
