I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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