I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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