plz talk dirty to me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
