At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
