god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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