Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize