She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
