When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
