Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
