does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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