My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
