she woke up with a sticky ear
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
