Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize