the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
