she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
