I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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