Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
