Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
