do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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