Got a toothbrush?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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