my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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