so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
