I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
