when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
